He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
