OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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