get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
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