onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
