so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
