He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
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