She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
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