My friends, they love my intelligence
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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