I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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