I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
