Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I just forgot I was standing up.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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