I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize