And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
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