Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
