If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
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