He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Randomize
