Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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