I wish I only lived at night.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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