Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
