are you so shy because you have an std?
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
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