uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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