literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Randomize
