Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Randomize
