She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
