do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Randomize
