i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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