Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
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