??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize