He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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