none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
