how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Randomize
