just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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