I wanna bring you to show and tell
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
