What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
