Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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