i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
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