You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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