One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
