One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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