Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
