Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
