Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
