y did u give ur computer a hand job?
When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Randomize
