my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Randomize
