Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
