please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Randomize