He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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