Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
