Only a mothe r could love this liver
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
