I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
