Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
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