how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
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