Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Randomize
