I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
These tits shall not be calmed
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
