can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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