I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
