Christians are straight up FREAKS
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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