i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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