at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
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