i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Randomize
