Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
