pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
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