he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
