"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
