My Higher Power is John Stamos
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
