Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Randomize