I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
