Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
