apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
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