people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
So vagazzling was a success
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
