420 ftw
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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