So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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