how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
