I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
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