You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Randomize
